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  He did not dwell on the sentiment but immediately drew a sheet of paper from his stationery drawer, flipped the lid back on his inkwell and took up his pen to write to her at once. When he had finished, he glanced over his words critically. It was no love letter, to be sure. It stated his intentions clearly and tersely and requested that he might know her mind on this as soon as possible, since they had waited long enough already and he would wish to make arrangements for the marriage at once, if she would do him the honour of accepting his hand. Satisfied that the letter was adequate to the occasion Arthur signed it, blotted the ink and folded the paper, sealed it and wrote Kitty’s address on the front.

  ‘Blake!’

  ‘Sir?’ the corporal called. His chair scraped back and he hurriedly stepped into the room to stand stiffly before Arthur’s desk.

  Arthur carefully placed the letter in the despatch pouch and held it out to Blake. ‘See that this gets on the coach back to London at once.’

  ‘Sir?’ Blake looked uncertain.

  ‘What is it, man?’

  ‘The coach stops down in the town just long enough to change the horses and pick up the passengers and post. Then it goes straight back to London, sir. It’s most likely too late for the letter to go today, sir.’

  ‘Well, there’s only one way to find out, Corporal. Get it down there yourself. Right now.’

  ‘Yes, sir.’ Blake saluted, then turned away, and Arthur could almost sense his irritation at being ordered away from his warm office. But, he reasoned with an amused smile, the corporal was rather too corporeal and would benefit from the exercise. Then, as the man’s footsteps receded, Arthur sat back in his chair and closed his eyes, recalling as best he could Kitty’s face and the sound of her voice and the touch of her hand, and slowly a host of other memories from many years before played out in his mind and filled his heart with warm delight.

  A month later Arthur went to London to see William in order to plan their defence of Richard. William ensured that he was introduced to many of the leading figures of the day and briefed him on those who could be counted on to speak up for Richard, and those who could be numbered amongst his enemies. Richard did himself no favours by remaining contemptuously aloof and refusing to counter the charges laid against him. Arthur had sent Kitty a brief note informing her that he would be staying at William’s London home temporarily and that any letter should be sent there in the first instance.

  While he waited for her reply Arthur made the most of the chance to see old friends, visit the theatre and attend social events. It was at a raucous party at Swann’s, a Chelsea club favoured by the cavalry, that he ran into Richard Fitzroy, an old friend with whom Arthur had served since his earliest days in the army.The main salon was filled with army officers, mostly youngsters, and as ever it was the hussars who were making the loudest noise. Arthur had been invited to join an acquaintance from his days in India, but the man had not turned up and so Arthur sat at a table in one corner and watched the antics of the younger men with an amused detachment as they competed to see who could throw a goose feather the furthest. Their frequent roars of encouragement echoed round the room and drew the occasional disapproving glance from more senior, or serious-minded, officers sitting at the other end of the salon. As Arthur watched, a cheery-faced individual in a red jacket pushed through the throng towards him. Arthur grinned as he recognised an old friend.

  ‘Hello, Arthur!’ Fitzroy beamed as he reached Arthur’s table and clasped his friend’s hand warmly. ‘Haven’t seen you in a while. What brings you here?’

  ‘The search for decent companionship,’ Arthur replied with mock weariness.

  ‘Ah, yes. I had heard that you were thinking of entering Parliament. My commiserations. But why do it at all?’

  Arthur shrugged. ‘The family requires it. And so it is. Anyway, how about you? I see you are a colonel now.’

  ‘Ah, yes.’ Fitzroy glanced awkwardly towards the epaulette on one shoulder. ‘My father finally stumped up the money for a colonel’s commission, and he’s never going to let me forget his generosity. Best make the most of it, I suppose. Before a lucky shot, some bloody campaign fever or the wedding bells do for me.’

  ‘No plans to get married yet, I assume?’

  ‘Hardly. I’ve been back in Dublin for a while. The place is growing a little more tame than it was in our day, but there’s still enough going on to warrant remaining a bachelor for a while yet. Ran into a few old faces. One in particular asked to be remembered to you.’

  Arthur suddenly knew exactly what Fitzroy was going to say and felt his stomach knot itself with anticipation.

  ‘Really? Who might that be?’

  ‘That Pakenham girl you used to be so attached to. What was her name?’ Fitzroy frowned for a moment and then snapped his fingers. ‘Kitty! That’s it. Ran into her at a castle ball. She saw me first and made a charge straight at me. Else I’d have bolted for cover!’

  ‘What are you talking about?’

  Fitzroy chuckled.‘Well, she has changed a good deal since we last saw her. I barely recognised the girl.Well, girl is hardly the word to describe her. And has not been for a while, I’d hazard.’

  ‘I expect we have all changed,’Arthur replied coolly.‘We’ve matured, Fitzroy.That’s all.’

  ‘Matured?’ Fitzroy’s eyes twinkled. ‘I dare say. But in some cases I think the better word would be weathered. And the once fair Kitty, and she was very fair as I recall, has turned into something of a thin old stick. Shame, really. Ah well . . . Anyway, she asked me about you, and about our campaigns in India. I gave her the abridged version, since there were some fine girls about and the hour was already late. Before I got away she said to send you her warmest regards if you and I should meet. And here we are!’

  ‘Yes, here we are.’ Arthur forced himself to smile. Inside, he had felt his heart sink at Fitzroy’s words, and then his conscience pricked with guilt and he felt the beginnings of anger. ‘Despite her mature looks, I am sure she is the same Kitty that we once knew.’

  ‘Perhaps. But I’d say that she has lost a lot of that spark that she used to have. Quite the lively filly, she was. I think you’d be surprised by the change in her, Arthur. Damn good thing you didn’t marry her back then, I’d say.’

  Arthur’s expression froze and Fitzroy’s brows knitted together in bewilderment. ‘Are you all right, Arthur?’

  ‘Quite fine, thank you.’

  ‘Ah, good! Thought you were having a turn there.’

  ‘No, nothing like that.’ Arthur took a deep breath and shrugged. ‘It’s just that I have sent Kitty a formal letter of proposal and I’m waiting for her reply.’

  Fitzroy stared at him a moment, mouth slightly agape. Then he roared with laughter and slapped Arthur on the shoulder. ‘Oh, that’s a good one! For a moment there I thought you must be serious.’

  ‘But I am.’

  Fitzroy started to smile again, then his lips froze as he took in the mirthless expression of his friend. He swallowed nervously. ‘I see. Well, I, er, I don’t quite know what to say, Arthur. Are you quite sure she’s the woman you want to marry?’

  ‘Quite sure.’

  ‘I had no idea. I mean, Kitty said nothing about having seen you since we got back from India.’

  ‘That’s because I haven’t seen her.We have been in touch by letter.’

  ‘Good God!’ Fitzroy looked astonished. ‘You’ve proposed to Kitty without so much as seeing her? That’s madness. But tell me truly,Arthur. You really haven’t see her since we left Ireland?’

  ‘Yes.’ Arthur’s irritation with his old friend was growing more acute with each utterance from Fitzroy. It was bad enough that he had such a low regard for Kitty, but it was worse that he so obviously thought Arthur a fool.Trying to thrust aside the description of Kitty as she was now, Arthur felt compelled to defend her character, and his pride. Besides, he had made a promise to her to renew his offer, before he had left for India. He had given his solemn word, and Art
hur was bound to honour that. His breeding, his family name, his feelings for Kitty and his conscience ruled out any other course of action. He drew a long deep breath as Fitzroy shuffled with embarrassment.

  ‘The thing is, Fitzroy, that I am a man with sound judgement and integrity. I know that my affection for her is not based on the superficial attraction of beauty, but on the substance of her character. I love her for her mind, Fitzroy. I don’t imagine for a minute that you could comprehend such a thing.’

  ‘Steady on, Arthur. I meant no offence. You are one of my oldest friends. But I have to say that it seems a little unwise to me for a fellow to commit himself to a wedding with a woman he has not seen these eleven years.’

  ‘She has not accepted me yet.’

  ‘There is some chance, then?’

  ‘I think you misunderstand me. I live in earnest hope and anticipation of her acceptance.’

  ‘Oh . . .’

  They stared at each other in silence for a moment before Fitzroy could not bear the embarrassment any longer. He smiled weakly and clasped Arthur’s hand. ‘Well then, I hope . . . sincerely hope that it all works out for the best, my dear Arthur. Really I do. Now I’d love to talk some more, but I’m here with some friends from the Guards, and we really only just came by for a quick drink. Look here, I’ll make sure I look you up in a day or so.’

  ‘I’ll look forward to it. Now, don’t let me stop you re-joining your friends. Goodbye, Fitzroy.’

  ‘Goodbye.’ Fitzroy nodded solemnly and turned away to walk unsteadily back towards the crowd of officers on the far side of the salon. Arthur stared after him for a moment, then made his way to the entrance, where he retrieved his hat and cape and stepped out of the lively atmosphere of the club into the cold dark street. He paused to breathe deeply of the chill night air and then marched quickly back to William’s house.

  For the first time he was assailed with doubts about his offer to Kitty. It had been so easy to assume that she would still have that same essence of being that had won his heart years before. After all, Arthur reasoned, did he not feel himself to be substantially the same character as ever, beneath the layers of experience? But what if she had changed as much as Fitzroy claimed? Granted, her looks were bound to have faded. No, not faded, he corrected himself, but what, then? Surely someone who had been as beautiful as Kitty would have acquired grace rather than lost her looks. Yes, that was it. No wonder Fitzroy had perceived her as lacking beauty.The man was facile enough to not make the distinction. By the time he returned to William’s house Arthur was in a cold fury over his friend’s dismissal of Kitty.

  The footman who let Arthur into the house took his cape and hat and motioned towards a silver salver on a table close to the door.A letter rested on the tray.

  ‘That came while you were out, sir.’

  Arthur crossed the hall and picked up the letter. By the dim light of the handful of candles that William permitted as illumination he raised the letter and read the name of the sender. Katherine Pakenham. Dismissing the footman, he took up a candle and hurried into the parlour next to the front door, making for William’s writing table. He set the candle-holder down, sat at the table and hurriedly opened the letter. The very sight of her handwriting, spidery and cramped, evoked an excitement that filled him with a warmth and affection he was sure was love.

  Kitty wrote that she had received his proposal, and that while she was minded to accept it she felt it only fair not to hold him to his promise until he had met her face to face so that he could be certain that he truly wanted to marry her. If his heart was unchanged then Kitty would be overjoyed, and proud to be his wife and companion for life.

  The encounter with Fitzroy still smouldered in his heart, and as Arthur read through the letter several more times he warmed to Kitty’s honesty and integrity. He set the letter down, drew out a sheet of writing paper, a pen and a small pot of ink from the desk drawer and began to write a hurried response. He told her that if she would marry him he would be the happiest of men. There was no need to see her first. His heart was true and his mind was set on becoming her husband. That being the case, all that remained was to set a date for the wedding. He urged her to accept a date in April, so that no more time be lost before their loving union was blessed. He would settle his immediate duties in Hastings and set off for Dublin at the earliest possible date. If Kitty was agreeable, the ceremony would be conducted by Arthur’s brother, the Reverend Gerald Wellesley, who he was sure would be honoured to be asked. Having signed off the letter with a few hurriedly chosen endearments, Arthur blotted the paper, folded it, sealed it and addressed it before returning to the hall and setting it down with the others in the rack by the door that were waiting to be sent off.

  Then, with a weary mind and heart, Arthur climbed the stairs towards the small suite of rooms that William had set aside for him. In a matter of weeks he would be marrying Kitty.The sudden reality of it was quite shocking, and though he felt his spirits rise a little at the prospect of having her for a wife at long last, he could not quite shake off the doubts that Fitzroy had instilled.

  Chapter 18

  Dublin, April 1806

  The ship from Bristol fought its way across the Irish Sea to Dublin in the teeth of a spring gale and Arthur was gripped by seasickness as the vessel lurched from end to end, accompanied by a pitching and rolling motion that made his stomach churn violently. Unlike most of the other passengers who remained huddled down in their tiny fetid cabins below deck, Arthur preferred to be in the fresh air where he could see the horizon and use it as a fixed point to give him some sense of control over his nausea. Not that it worked all the time, as every so often the ship would soar or swoop without any warning and the sickness would return with a vengeance.

  ‘Good day to you, Sir Arthur!’ a voice called out cheerily, and Arthur turned to see Captain Acock striding up the deck towards him. His years at sea had accustomed him to the motions of the ship, to which he adjusted his pace with confidence. ‘Bit of a breeze today, I think.’

  ‘Bit of a breeze?’ Arthur shook his head ruefully. ‘I shall never understand what you sailors enjoy about your profession.’

  ‘Oh, it’s not so bad, sir.’ The captain laughed. ‘There’s nothing like cutting your ties with the land and setting out into the wild.’

  Arthur nodded. Perhaps there was something to be said for such a life, though it had its own dangers.‘I think, on the whole, that I’d rather avoid sailing through such tempests as this.’

  ‘Tempest, you say?’ The captain smiled and shook his head, blinking as a shower of spray drenched them both.‘Hardly.This weather is typical for the time of year, sir.You get used to it. I dare say that you’ve not had much experience of sea travel, then?’

  ‘Oh, I’ve had my share, and my fill. I’ve been out to India and back.’

  The captain turned to glance at him with raised eyebrows. ‘India. Now that’s real sailing. I’ve only ever crossed the Atlantic, on the Jamaica run. Some hard times in those days, I can tell you. But I’ve only ever heard sailors’ stories about the passage to India. Not many men do that in their lifetime, sir.’

  ‘Nor should they,’ Arthur replied with feeling as he recalled the cramped accommodation, the week-long storms, the lack of fresh food and above all the raw agony of the days, and sometimes weeks, before one found one’s sea legs and grew accustomed to the motion of the ship. The very thought had him gripping the side rail tightly as he struggled with another wave of giddy nausea.

  ‘So, what’s your business in Dublin then, sir?’ the captain continued in a light tone.

  Arthur swallowed and replied through gritted teeth.‘I’m going to be married. My intended is waiting for me in Dublin.’

  ‘Is she now?’The captain grinned.‘Ah well, a fine city to be married in, sir.’

  ‘Not in this weather.’

  The captain raised his eyes to the grey clouds rolling over the white-capped sea.‘It’ll blow itself out soon. Like as not the
moment we dock.’

  ‘With my fortune, I’d imagine so.’

  ‘Are you planning on living in Ireland, sir?’

  ‘Certainly not. I can think of few climates I’d rather avoid. No, the moment we are wed, and have had a honeymoon, I will be bringing my wife back to London with me.’

  ‘Ah well,’ Captain Acock mused; then a swinging motion aloft caught his eye and he turned away from the rail. ‘Beg your pardon, sir, I must attend to my ship. Hope you have a fine wedding then, sir.’

  He made his way across the deck to the foredeck gangway and bellowed an order to one of his sailors to go aloft and secure a loose block. Arthur had no desire to watch a man clamber up the rigging in such rough seas, and kept his gaze resolutely on the horizon as he fixed his thoughts on Kitty once again. Kitty would be the same Kitty he had delighted in and loved all those years before. She would be as opinionated and mischievous as ever, and there would be the same bright twinkle in her eye and the same becoming bloom in the rounded cheeks he had so loved to kiss on the few occasions it had been permitted. And he would love her just as before. They would be married, and live happily, he resolved.